ukcodemonkey

I've decided to try a hosted site to learn a bit more about PHP etc. From now I should be blogging here. I've copied most of the entries from livejournal, but none of the comments. I've also yet to tag everything correctly, it's on my todo list.

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a Man below. He descended a bit more and shouted,

"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."

The Man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in Information Technology," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the Man, "how did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The Man below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the Man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my f*cking fault."

C bought book's 2, 3 and 4 for me to read now that she has book 7. I started reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets on Saturday and finished it Monday night. 3 days! That's the fastest I've read any book in my life! I'm now on Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. I think this will take a while longer to read, but so far it's just as good as the first two. I get the feeling I'll be reading Harry Potter until I've read them all!

Last night I went to bed around 10:15 so that I could read some of Harry Potter and the Philospher's Stone before I nodded off; at 11:45 I finished the book! I just couldn't put it down! I'm now very tired but happy that I've read it. I now have to wait for Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Can't wait!

Feeling quite tired this morning though :-)

Top bloke!

There can be few men on Earth who have not, at some time, dreamed of devising a method of attracting women which was so ingenious it would lead to hundreds of offers from beautiful women all over the world...he dreamed up the website, areyoumywife.com.

Story here

Sound plays when you follow link:

http://eminemvsbennyhill.ytmnd.com/

This week is Baywatch Campaign week, not ogling at bikini clad women, but checking how naff supermarkets are at policing disabled bays.

For those not in the know, disabled bays are there for people who have blue badges; the blue badge means that the holder has or at times has reduced mobility, which is why the bays are nearer the entrances to the supermarkets and why the bays are larger.

They're not their for:

• BMW drivers parking there so that they don't get their car banged
• Van drivers that are too crap at parking to park in regular bays
• People shopping and using their mother/Gran/relative's badge even though they've been left at home.

Baywatch is a survey of your local "big four" supermarket to record just how poor they are at policing their bays.

Not part of the report, but what really makes me laugh, is the number of people who park in the disabled bays of the gym I'm a member of. The gym itself has a small car park and is always full, but just opposite the entrance is a massive car park for use with the cinema, bowling, food places etc yet when the car park is full, people park in the disabled bays. So not only are these people too ignorant to leave the spaces for those who need them, they're too bloody lazy to park an extra 20 feet away and walk a little further to the gym. They're off to the gym to exercise but can't be ar*ed to park a little further!

Sat morning me and C went to Morrison's to get some groceries, also on sale was Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows which had undercut Asda by 1p; sale price £4.99! That should keep her happy for a few days!

Now that the last Harry Potter book has been released I felt it was about time I started reading the Harry Potter books. I've seen the film but not read any, so while C was out Sat afternoon she bought me the Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. That'll keep me happy for a few days, I'm at chapter 6 already :-)

A few things really tick me off when the media try to use technical terms and get things wrong. The main one that gets right up my nose is "Heat Seeking Cameras", they're "Heat sensitive" some missiles are heat seeking, they detect heat and head to it to blow the cr*p out of it, camera's don't do squat except detect heat and convert to an image! ARGHHHH!

Today, the BBC is reporting that the royal mail is releasing heat-resistant Harry Potter stamps in line with the new book. I was wondering why they'd bother releasing stamps that won't be harmed in a fire? Then I learned what they meant; the stamps have heat sensitive ink so that when you put your finger on the stamp, it reveals an image or text. HEAT-RESISTANT ARGHHHHH!

Article here

Muppets :-(

C is looking forward to the new Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows book available next Friday night, or more precisely, next Saturday morning at 12am. Several books shops are open all Friday night/Saturday morning to do a Harry Potter special. It's likely I'll be there with C so that she can get her hands on a shiny new copy!

I was born in the seventies, grew up in the 80's and 90's. I have no idea what to call the 00's but are the 10's going to be called teen's?

A report on the BBC says that O2 have won the contract to supply the iPhone to the UK. The report also says the iPhone will go on sale for £300 so thats:

£300 for the phone.
12, 18 or 24 month contract.
Probably £30 a month minimum on the contract.

Or, as is the normal way contracts work in the UK.

Free phone.
12/18 month contract.
£15 a month if you're lucky, £20 to £25 if not.

With the free phone you'll get 3G (although rumour is the 2nd gen iPhone will have 3G), replaceable battery; although I've never bought a new phone battery as I always replace the phone after a year. With the iPhone though, at £300 you would probably want to keep the phone longer and so would need to replace the battery.

It'll be interesting to see what happens when the phone does go on sale.

Received from a friend today:

In the beginning was the Plan.
And then came the Assumptions.
And the Assumptions were without form.
And the Plan was without substance.
And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.
And they spoke amongst themselves, saying, “it is a crock of shit and it stinketh.”
And the Workers went unto the Supervisors, and said, “It is a pail of dung, and we cannot live with the smell.”
And the Supervisors went unto the Managers, saying, “It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong such that none may abide it.”
And the Managers went unto the Directors, saying, “It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none can stand against its strength.”
And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents, saying, “It promotes growth and is very powerful.”
And the Vice Presidents went unto the President, saying, “This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigour of the company with very powerful effects.”
And the President looked upon the plan and he saw that it was good.
And the plan became policy

So very true :-)

At some point between 4am when the milk man woke me up and 6 am when the alarm woke me up, I had another weird dream:

I was back in Tenby with C, my sister and Nephew with my Canon 400D. I had been on the beach all day taking photo's with the family. As we were near the Sea, the camera had got a little moisture on it, and C decided that the best way to dry the camera was to put it in a box and cover it in dry sand. I'm guessing the rational was the sand would absorb the moisture. The plan in my dream may have worked had their not been water already in the box; adding the sand caused the level of water to rise and seep into the camera and damage the lens.

On the way to work I kind of worked out why I dreamed this.

1) Last night at the Amber rooms, C told my friends that she had sabotaged my XBox by spilling water on it.
2) C reminded my that when I bought her her engagement ring, she had bought me the camera.

1 + 2 makes water damaged camera, and the reason for the dream: It's only 4 months till we're married! Maybe my subconscious is saying I still have time :-)

The second part of the dream involved chasing after my Nephew who had gone into my Aunty's house and fallen asleep in the cat basket. That part of the dream was just plain odd.

The BBC Food Show is doing The Summer BBC Good Food at the NEC from the 13th to the 17th. Me and C are heading over on Sat to see what delights they have. I'll be looking for sausages, burgers and beer ;-)

Google either of these and you get bugger all results, not very helpful when trying to figure out what the hell they are.

 

Well, I eventually found reference on msdn.microsoft.com:

*= is left outer join

=* is right outer join

It's easier when people stick to using "LEFT OUTER JOIN" or "RIGHT OUTER JOIN" instead of *= and =*, lazy typers!

It appears home information packs are to be phased in from the 1st of August. More details on the official site here.

From a quick read you can do your own HIP pack, although the energy performance certificate can only be done by a qualified person, the searches can be done by oneself. Another bit of info that I liked was the fact that you can refuse to provide a HIP to a buyer in a few circumstances: You don't believe they're in a position to buy, i.e. they haven't got a mortgage offer on paper yet. So that's good, you don't have to waste money with people just nosey about your house. Also, which is good, you can charge a buyer the cost of copying and postage, should the buyer request a pack. If you're allowed to send electronic copies of the pack, then you should be able to email PDF/JPG copies for free. You can't charge for the pack itself - that cost is a burden for the seller, but then again the seller is just going to factor the cost of the pack into the selling price!
Since me and C are unlikely to move for a while, at the moment I'm just keeping my ear to the floor about these packs as they will affect us both in the future. If you're selling now, good luck!

MP's just aren't getting things right these days. Then again, have they ever? The sellers packs that were due to be made compulsory from June 1st are to be delayed due to a challenge from the Royal Institution of Chartered Surveyors.

I had noticed quite a few houses going up for sale around my estate in a bid to beat the requirement: Those houses already on the market before the 1st will not require a home sellers pack; only those put on the market after this require the pack. If the R.I.C.S. win the court battle, then the sellers may have pre-empted a little too early. Oh well, it'll be interesting to see what they sell for to see how much me and C have made in the last 9 months!

Full story here

Has more of a slant to the US maybe:

http://awads.net/wp/2007/03/14/10-things-about-computer-programming-you-may-not-agree-with/

Where am I, sat at my desk working on a laptop connected to the LAN which I can read over VPN from home if I wanted thus saving a 40 mile round trip and 2 hours on the road. Oh well. Nice to see my company doing its bit for the environment!